bitches be writin’ about…true love: the mythical unicorn of emotion

I got such a great response when I guest blogged this post on another site a few weeks ago, I thought I would tweak it (slightly) and re-post for my own readers….enjoy. 🙂

True love. That mythical unicorn of emotion many swear doesn’t exist. And the rest of us? Constantly seeking, reading, hoping, validating the notion that one day we will either find it, or have already found it. Not to mention the constant prayer that some skanky home wrecking little bitch doesn’t try to pry it out of your cold, moist and clammy grasp. *grins cheerfully*

I believe in true love. Trust me, it’s easier NOT to believe, then I can justify settling for less. For a while I did. Years ago, when I was with my first serious relationship I thought I found it. I realize now a large part of it was him being my first, and he saw me thru some crazy shit and didn’t leave, and I know I’m not easy. In fact…the phrase two nuts short of a fruitcake often float around, but I ain’t saying who it’s about. It could be me. Perhaps. *stares at nails*

Mayhaps not. ANYwho…When reality set in, it’s obvious I confused lust with love. Haven’t we all done that once or twice? Or a million times…*sighs* I got used to sleeping with the same guy every night, or, in the illustrious words of that finer than a motherfucker Morris Chestnut from one of my all-time favorite movies, ‘The Best Man’ the way my pussy curved to his dick pretty much had a bitch thirsty as hell, lol. Brother could lay pipe, I will not lie. But was I in love? Nah. I was deep in lust. Sad thing is, I truly believe he loved me and would have probably made a decent enough husband too, but…I also know now that wouldn’t have been fair. I would’ve ended up hurting him, because in the end, I knew deep down from the very beginning, in that place where only you and god know the truth (praise jeebus) I couldn’t stay for the long haul.

And ps? Just because someone has been there from the beginning, or like in my case, has seen you though some dark times does not guarantee happily ever after. It just doesn’t. Brutal but honest. I remember reading how Janet Jackson and her husband Rene Elizondo were married 11 years, together even longer. And now they aren’t. For some reason I never thought they would break up. They just always….WERE, you know? Now, she is happily married to who I am guessing she really hopes is her soul mate. Here’s hoping, J. *holds up glass*

In all that time though, I’m sure she didn’t expect that Rene only wanted her for her money and in the end that’s what their break-up came down to. Moo-lah he wanted from her and sued her for. Mind you, we as outsiders can only speculate, but you get my point. It makes me wonder now what his agenda was all along. I hear so many celebrities say, he or she knew me when I was broke and didn’t have shit but you know what? A smart person, hell even an idiot can spot someone who’s got that “it,” or will soon get it, you know what I mean?

So what do they do? They invest in that person and stand by them, and then later when someone says you’re out for cheese, BOO YAH. Pull out that ace, baby. I knew you when you ain’t had shit, I can’t possibly have hidden agenda, right? Because gold diggers, after all are only hookers and hoes from the ghetto, or from trailer parks, or whatever else represents low income, and lack of class. Gotta love them stereotypes, folks. O_o

Now I know it’s not always true. Everyone is not always out for material gain, and it doesn’t mean that’s what happened to Janet and Rene, or anyone else, but bottom line? They weren’t soul mates, that much is clear. Familiarity and history does not necessarily true love make. It matters, but it should NOT be the only thing that sustains you. As I recall, familiarity often breeds contempt, but that’s another blog, eh? lol.

True love does exist. You can realize it ten years after knowing someone, or, god forbid, ten seconds. I don’t advise the latter, lol, but just because it hasn’t happened to me, doesn’t mean I won’t believe that magic and fairies don’t exist.

In my novella series, Give & Receive, this is the theme I think that drives the story. Lena, Danny and Ty really are caught in spider’s web of emotion. Hurt, anger, love, betrayal, heat, lust and downright lunacy just to name a few. She has to determine what she truly feels for both of these men, and they for her. Is it love? Is it just lust? Is she going to choose one, or risk everything and try to have them both? She’s what my one friend Moni luv calls a greedy bitch, so we’ll see how this all pans out.

So here’s my question to you guys. What IS true love? How do you define it? Is there truly only “one” true love? To me, it’s many things. It’s unconditional love. Your soul mate…or mates. (winks) Accepting all facets of a person. The dark side of a person and the skeletons that help define who they are. An extension of you. The sick feeling in your tummy you get wondering at any given moment what they’re doing, who they’re doing it with, or if they’re thinking of you and feeling the same way. You’re always anxious to see them, because when they’re not there, a piece of you is missing. It’s living a little inside of their skin and breathing them in. It’s a perfect line of coke. It’s euphoria. Explosive. Volatile. Carnal bliss.

Love is pain. It hurts. God it hurts. Like a jagged knife that repeats its tear across your insides. Dante’s 9th circle of hell. Anyone who tells you different is fucking lying their face off and you need to hit them in the eye with a bag of pork chops mixed with dirty, wet sweat socks. Repeatedly. And it’s important that they’re mixed up together. And dirty.

Love is angry…so angry…like when you’re so pissed you want to wring their damn neck, then throw them up against the wall and fuck the shit outta them the next minute later. And speaking of fucking? True love knows it’s not always about candlelight, merlot and making love. Sometimes its gritty and savage. Rage. Beautiful in its raw, primal need. This person can be all those things…with you, and you with them. And it’s ok.

It’s knowing you’re finally home. It’s sittin’ on the front porch, watching the sun go down, sippin’ red kool-aid in a ghetto jelly jar. Gotta be ghetto, cuz ghetto love is so much more groovy, lol. It’s a rollercoaster with a million foot drop…and right now I feel a verse. Let me wax poetic momentarily:

it’s a tiny kiss beneath your left ear

the urgency to keep them very, very near

it’s a whispered breath on the small of your back

it’s saying I love you, and hearing it back.

it’s soft and sweet

it’s savage and rough

it’s feeling like forever

will never, ever be enough.

Damn. I…um. Need a drink. Cranberry vodka on ice? *holds up glasses* I’ll pour.

Give & Take: An Erotic Romance Novella (Book II of the Give & Receive Series)

Blurb:

What would you risk to get what you wanted?

For Ty, Lena and Danny, they’re about to find out as they cross the boundaries from all things safe to an arena that will test love, friendship and loyalty. An arena that’s forbidden, taboo. and oh so tempting. In their world sex, money and excess are all a game of give & receive, were any wish can be granted if you just ask…

For Ty, Lena and Danny, they’re about to find out as they cross the boundaries from all things safe to an arena that will test love, friendship and loyalty. An arena that’s forbidden, taboo…and oh so tempting. In their world sex, money and excess are all a game of give & receive, were any wish can be granted if you just ask…

Lena Blake: Life was supposed to have gone back to normal. After all…It’s been months since that night at Sadist. Months of reliving, remembering, experiencing…each moment. Over and over again. Oh yeah, she remembered. Every. Vivid. Illicit. Detail. Like it was yesterday.  What she did. Who she did it with.Her best friend. And Danny…the one who had carved out her heart years ago. There to witness it all. An act so public, so voyeuristic, so forbidden, she was still feeling the intensity between them all. The lines were crossed now.  There was no going back. Not even if she wanted to.

If she were honest she would admit she didn’t…

Tyler Malone: I knew I risked a lot doing what I did. I risked my friendship, with the one person I trusted and loved most of all, even if she can’t…or won’t see it. I played a dangerous game with Blake, too, but he either needs to step up…or step back.  I put everything on the line for just one night. And hell yeah, it was worth it. She’s worth everything. I love her just as much as he does, maybe more, since I accept everything about her, even her love for him. Life is all about the chances you take. To succeed you have to gamble. Play big…or go home. And I play to win. At all costs…

Danny Blake: Seeing her that night with Ty, watching her come undone, made me realize for the first time the life I could have. I saw her. Really saw her, body and soul, and I know now, the ache for her never truly went away. It only intensified over the years, with a need bordering on obsession. My one addiction I could never get clean of. I need her like air.

In the high stakes game of give & take, you have to risk everything.

Winner takes all…and to the victor goes the spoils.

Book II of the Erotic Romance Novella Series, Give & Receive.

Excerpt:

“So, Ty.”

“So, Lena.”

“When you put your mouth on me…how did I taste?”

   ***

Ty was sure he hadn’t heard her correctly. If he were truthful, he probably hadn’t heard Lena correctly since he met her.

But did anyone?

“I’m…wait-what?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. You didn’t hear me? I asked how I tasted. To you. You know…when you went down on me, as you so eloquently and succinctly put it. Must I repeat myself? Surely you aren’t as hard of hearing as you pretend to be.”

She heard him on the phone as he shifted. She heard the rustle of movement and could almost clock the exact moment his dick stood to attention, almost military-like in precision.

“Isn’t that what you wanted to talk about earlier? How I begged and pleaded pretty please, with a cherry on top for you to tongue fuck my absolutely beautiful, soaking wet, pretty little cunt?”

Ty made a strangled noise in his throat.

She was playing dirty. She also managed to gain the upper hand.

A fact not lost on Ty.

“Do I taste like candy, Ty? Sticky and yummy…and oh, so sweet?”

He groaned something inaudibly.

“I’m sorry. Did you say something, Ty?”

“Why. Are. You. Teasing. Me.” He ground the words out slowly, carefully, like they physically hurt to say them.

“I don’t want to play games with you, Ty. I promise. I tried asking a question and you seemed…reluctant to answer. So I thought changing the subject might make things easier. Is that so bad?”

She grabbed some more popcorn and popped it in her mouth.

“It’s like the microphone thing you were talking about with Danny a few months ago. Remember that? You were just trying to change the subject then, right? It certainly couldn’t have been for anything else. Which by the way, thanks for reminding me. I did get that microphone for the new studio I’m building in my house.” She sipped more water and swallowed loudly. “And you were right, of course. The big, thick microphone was the best choice. How’d you figure it would be the nicest fit between my…I mean, against my lips?”

Ty moaned a low, guttural sound.

He also began to sport a fabulous erection and patted himself painfully.

“Down boy.” Ty muttered to his dick. He winced as it defiantly grew harder still.

“Pardon? Did you say something, darlin’?” Lena’s voice was a buttery caress, sliding down his neck and dripping all over his spine.

“Nothing.”

“You sure now…I don’t want to ignore you, baby.” Lena laughed softly.

“Oh yeah. Never that.” Ty scowled into the phone.

“By now you’re thinking about how my mouth would feel, sucking your cock between my lips. Letting my hot, moist tongue go up and down the shaft of that lovely penis of yours. Does that sound about right, Ty?”

“Fuck.” Ty whispered softly. The image enveloped in his mind of Lena’s mouth closing around his cock, going down, deep into the back of her throat as he held her head, feeling silky curls, spilling over in his hand; his warm, wet semen spilling down her throat.

“I bet you’re thinking about how far I would take you, right? Backing off until I could lick just under the tip of you and taking you back again, between my lips. Would you like that?”

Ty was unable to speak at that point. He opened his mouth to talk and his throat had gone dry. All she could hear was the harshness of his breathing.

“Do you want me to stop? I can if you want me to, Ty. All you have to do is ask. But you have to say so. I might not be able to stop if you don’t.” Lena sounded mocking as she turned his words back on him, but realized she was getting caught up in the moment too. When her hand brushed over the apex of her thighs, her nipples tensed and drew up, her body letting her know she played a dangerous game of cat and mouse.

“Ty? Stay with me, baby. You didn’t answer my question. Do you want me to stop? Because I will. I’ll stop right now. You won’t get to hear the rest, Ty. How I would keep sucking you, and licking you and milking you, until all that come sprays out and goes down my throat…Say something now, Ty. Or I stop.”

“Wait.”

“Hold on, Ty. I just wanna get this butter off my finger. It’s dripping down a little, so I have to put my whole finger in my mouth, deep in the back of my throat, so I can suck it off.” She made a deep, throaty noise and moaned. “God that tastes good. Lots of butter, a little salt, dash of sugar…kind of like the perfect tasting…well. Never mind. I shouldn’t say it.”

“Say…what?” Ty voice cracked over the phone.

“Nothing. In fact, forget I said anything. I’m so embarrassed. I feel like I’ve been extremely inappropriate, so I’m just going to hang up now. I’ll get at you tomorr-”

“No…wait.” He sounded desperate.

“Lena. Please.”

“Please what?” She couldn’t stop the smile of satisfaction, coloring her voice.

“Don’t stop. Please…don’t stop.” His voice was low. Strained.

Full of sex…and dark heat.

Gotcha, bitch.

She was dripping wet now. Exactly what she deserved, doing shit she knew she had no business doing. Ah well. She’d reconcile with her conscience later.

She inhaled sharply as her fingers found themselves strumming between the fleshy, warm folds of her pussy, her thighs parting wider on the couch, her white cotton nightshirt riding up above her hips with her movement. She moaned as she soaked her fingers in the wetness of her labia, bringing her them up to her tongue and sucking them into her mouth.

“Fuck….oh god, Ty. My pussy tastes so good. Sweet and a little spicy…like some kind of exotic fruit. But I guess you knew that, right?” She laughed breathlessly as his breathing became more irregular and heavy. He knew. He remembered.  Her taste, musky and sensual, probably permanently etched into his mind forever.

“I wonder how you would taste mixed with my juices…maybe like cookies and cream? I’ve considered so many times what would happen if I finally gave in and sampled you. You would be sweet and salty, maybe…like my popcorn. Don’t you think?”

Ty growled a noise, deep in his throat, a feral animal in heat. Unsafe. Predatory. Explosive. She shivered in spite of herself. He sounded…hot.

“I would kiss all that delicious pre-come off of you, licking those throbbing veins, sucking you until you couldn’t wait anymore, Ty. Your cream would spurt and flood into my waiting mouth, between my lips, spilling out because it’s so much. Jesus Christ, you feel good against my lips. I would suck every last drop of the rest of it down my throat, nipping and licking all around you. Would that feel good to you, baby?

She flattened her palm on her stomach, feeling the curves and dips, caressing the skin there, feeling the warmth and the fine sheen of sweat. She used her hand to travel upwards and circle her nipple, giving it a hard pinch. She closed her eyes at the startling jolt of sensation.

“Are you fisting that big, fat cock of yours thinking about it? Are you touching yourself, Ty? Because I am. My fingers are so deep in my cunt they are completely saturated with my own wetness. I’m finger fucking myself like it was you, Ty. I have to use four fingers, thought. You’re so thick, it’s the only thing close to you right now.”

“Oh god. Lena…I can feel it. I can feel your lips on me. You feel so good. So fucking amazing.” Ty’s voice was hoarse and tight with emotion.

“Tell me how you’re touching yourself. I want to hear it. You don’t want me to stop, do you? I would hate to do that now…especially when we’ve…come…so far.”

“Jesus Fucking Christ, Lena. What are you doing to me?” Ty unzipped his pants so his cock sprang free and slid his hand up the shaft, feeling it’s warmth. He could feel the little drops of pre-come rise to the top and run over, using it to help lubricate his hand.

“I’m trying to make you feel good, baby…you remember? Like you did to me?”

What the fuck?

Of course there was an angle. Wasn’t there always one where Lena was concerned?

Would it ever be any other way with her?

available now. new to the series? save and get books I & II together in one bundle…click below!

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