guest blog submission guidelines (and random fuckery)

  1. have fun. but not too much fun. keep both hands on the keyboard where we can see them. pervs. ok. one hand is ok.
  2. be sexy. a little, at least? i kid. we welcome all types here. even the non-sexy.
  3. don’t be boring. we like the hot shit round these here parts. interviews are always welcome if desired, with questions provided well in advance.
  4. no politics or religion. unless joan of arc comes back to life and wants help leading the resistance.
  5. i will consider all genres, ie, horror, sci-fi, fantasy, popular fiction, but i do love and adore romance. particularly contemporary, paranormal, erotic romance, erotica, etc…get my drift? i pretty much love it all, lol.
  6. what you put in your post is entirely up to you, but PLEASE NOTE: you WILL need to provide something OTHER than just promo for your blog. it’s how we roll, kids. what can i say…i don’t make the rules. (hehehehehe….it’s funny because i DO make the rules. *giggles softly*)
  7. there are no filters here other than some obvious skeevy ones.  here’s what we’re NOT here for:
    1. rape and/or incest
    2. pedophilia
    3. icky bodily function stuff. like…doody stuff. dude….no. that’s just….ew. i mean….i MIGHT glance at a golden shower or two, but i gotta have some standards. *glances around and hangs head* don’t judge. and um. no promises. on the…um. you know. *clears throat* golden showers thing. 
    4. necrophilia (just…really?)
    5. and various forms of other weird shit. weird as defined by me. so you can still send it and i might like it. i dunno. no promises. I’m not hatin’…well…prolly I am. but I just don’t want to read it here. you know what kind of fuckery to which I refer, correct? awesome. i mean look. do you, kid…but i have to draw some kind of line somewhere. next we’re blogging about starting a family with the goat we just married, or the family portrait of you and your pretty kangaroo wife, where all your shit is color coordinated, with the matching sweaters? AND the cowboy hats? no one is here for that. STOP IT. STOP- NO. Shhhhhh. hush now. just…no. 
    6. hey…don’t be giving me that look. It’s my site, loser. deal with it. *scowls*
  8. occasionally there will be weekly/daily topics selected at our choosing, but you will get the specifics well in advance, once your blog date is assigned. cool? alrighty…..so anyways…IF SELECTED, (as not all submissions will be) we reserve the right to review and edit for grammar. we’re not looking to rewrite your post, but will make grammatical changes and other minor edits if necessary. so don’t be getting all bent if we suggest a change.
  9. when you contact us via my connect page please include 3 dates in order of preference. as this is first come first serve, obviously the sooner you contact us, the better your chance of getting one of your preferred dates.
  10. once selected for blog approval, you will be assigned a date, with best effort given to the preferred dates specified.
  11. at this point, you must do a small squeal of joy and dance a jig. DO IT. *advances menacingly* it’s required to complete the spell. i mean…the mission. i mean…shit. well now you know everything. congratulations. you have defeated skeletor and made it to castle grayskull. the sorceress is waiting with tea and cake. hurry, because you kind of took a long time and she’s got other shit to do. look. don’t judge me. this is what brings me joy in my otherwise pointless existence.
  12. i guess i do have the mommy thing going on tho. huh. there is that. *looks thoughtful*
  13. we don’t charge money to cop a squat here, but we do ask that you promote the blog on all your social media outlets.
  14. also, tho not nearly as important as the squeal, dancing of the jig, reaching the castle or the tea and cake, you will need the following ready AT LEAST THREE DAYS prior to your guest blog date:
    1. your blog(s) in a word document. include all relevant links/blurb/excerpt/contest details (contest is totally optional, btw, not required).
    2. your cover art attached to email as jpg (please do not put this in word)
  15. failure to follow the above guidelines might get your ass kicked to the curb and your blog date with it. but probably not. it just sounded bad ass. i mean…i won’t like it and it makes our job a lot more head achy….but if you say sorry we might still be friends with you. maybe. seriously, tho? just get your life together and get shit in to us on time, mmm k? depending on what all we have going on there is the remote possibility we have to move your blog date.

i think that’s it, altho I reserve the right to completely triple this page in length, with sheer tomfoolery, pointlessness and immature shenanigans.

I won’t…but I could.

but I probably won’t.

mostly.

now then. if i haven’t made you cringe in horror at my attempt at playful banter, and if you are actually still reading this and wish to schedule a guest blog…we’d love to have you. please visit my connect page and fill out the form.

ta!

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