Redefining Pornography Could Bring Some Much Needed Balance to the Discussion.
Hi, I’m Spencer Dryden, author of Tricks of the Trade a new story from Fireborn Publishing. I thought I would take this moment on the stage to talk, ok rant, about a topic that gets my blood boiling—shaming of men for watching pornography.
I’ve contributed a number of articles to an on-line interactive media platform that I won’t name here that is focused on shaping better men in the twenty-first century. This platform, like so many others, heap shame on men for watching pornography. Articles are posted frequently that argue that men’s minds are being turned to soup, that it is destroying, our marriages, our family lives and promoting unachievable fantasies that reek havoc in the bedroom. Many of the articles are from women weeping about loss of connection. Other articles are posted by recovering addicts. Still others lament the way pornography industry draws women into sexual slavery.
There’s no question, people have addictions and overindulgence in nearly anything can cause harm but why we single out men’s attraction to pornography is certainly odd. And for the argument that the pornography industry lures and enslaves women, even more care is needed. By that argument, no one can shop at Walmart because their goods are produced by third world slave labor. Actually it is a good reason not to shop at Walmart but it’s way too inconvenient, so lets just ignore that parallel. Let’s just get men.
Not so long ago I started thinking that if we simply expanded the definition of pornography we’d have a much different discussion. Please hold your rocks and sharp objects until the end.
My wife should be a poster child for career women’s lifestyle magazines. She is a successful and highly respected Administrative Law Judge, our family breadwinner, a loving mother, devoted daughter and sister, my soul mate and sexual fantasy, who negotiates a challenging work-life balance while battling depression. The magazines haven’t been calling, but she harbors a dirty little secret. She is hopelessly addicted to pornography.
Her addiction is to four color glossy magazines designed to fill her heart with covetous thoughts of finer homes, better furniture and the promise of domestic bliss, courtesy of the perfect table setting with the proper pairing of wine and light lunch. A life I cannot provide. Then there is the unattainable standard of beauty, youth, fitness and inner peace through meditation, promised by the athletic wear magazines. What bliss her life could be, moving from yoga, to the gym, to the salon, all the while casting distant, furtive looks into the horizon, then home in time to set a beautiful table in her finely appointed, spacious, clutter free home.
Hardly a day goes by without receiving one of these magazines in the mail. She spends much of the evening with her i-pad further indulging her fantasies. Despite her success, her beauty and our relative comfort, the images threaten to cause obsessive thoughts, undermine her self worth and erode the bonds of family. That’s what pornography does.
I realize that pornography is technically about sex, but with a wider lens, isn’t my wife’s behavior leading to exactly the same deleterious effect that threatens the ruination of males and the collapse of Western Civilization? Worse, her addiction is not only condoned by society, it is the driving force behind our consumer economy and leads to the economic enslavement of lower classes, the degradation of the environment and the disintegration of relationships. Really?
It’s harmless fantasy to me, no more a threat to our lives than an attack of the killer dust bunnies that hide beneath the furniture of our cluttered and not very well appointed home. Filling her mind with beautiful, peaceful images is far better than allowing her to slip into swamp of sadness from the daily reciting of the litany of despair, otherwise known as the news.
The good news is my wife actually has the ability to distinguish fantasy from reality. I think most men do to. I know she believes that about me.
In fighting against the puritans we do ourselves no favors in this industry by the terms we use about our craft, smut, stroke etc, that play into the notion that what we do is evil. I like to think of myself as someone who writes stories about men’s struggle with sexuality in a world where love and lust collide and lust is stronger.
Men are visual so it’s hard to imagine that reading erotica could overtake the visual medium offered on the internet, but it would do our industry a lot of good if we could re-engage men in reading.
Thanks for spending a few minutes with me today. If you have questions or comments, please feel free to share them here.
RELEASE DATE: April 17, 2015
GENRE: Contemporary, Erotica
TAGS: Happy Ending, May/December
HEAT LEVEL– 3 Flames
CATEGORY: Short Story/Flash Fiction/Novelette
LENGTH: 69 pages
Twenty-something, sexually frustrated plumber, Will Last, is fascinated by an attractive age 40+ woman he sees in the plumbing fixtures isle of a big box store. When he casually strolls her way she strikes up a conversation and begs him to do some emergency plumbing repairs for her.
Mitzi Callahan soon has Will wrapped around her little finger. After showing her a plumbers trick for a quick repair, Mitzi reveals herself as a sex trainer and returns the favor by showing Will a trick or two in the bedroom.
Mitzi opens his world to the enchantment of older women and introduces him to one of her students, Lucy Park. Sparks fly between Will and Lucy while dancing at the club where they meet, but they must reach out across age and cultural barriers to find the romantic connection they both seek.
Spencer Dryden is a new writer, but an old guy on the threshold of draining any reserves left in Medicare and Social Security.
In real life he is a handyman, an at-home dad, inventor and web videographer living a quiet life in the frozen tundra of Minnesota (USA).
Like all writers he has a cat but they don’t get along well. He can be found at the usual writer hangouts:
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